Why it's "From the Heart Birth"

“All they really need is for you to be there for them.”

This was advice given to me by the founder of a local doula agency when I first started my doula training in the summer of 2021, and to be completely honest here, I thought she was kind of full of it.

I’m a person who loves knowledge. I love reading the latest studies, understanding how things work on a physiological level, and consuming information as fast as my brain can absorb it. That’s why I took two different birth doula training courses before taking on my first client. One provided me with training in solution-focused dialogue and trauma-informed care, while the other was very information based, giving me facts and figures that helped me better understand the process of birth and the medical system we so often birth within.

So the idea that I didn’t need all the knowledge in the world to be a good doula seemed ludicrous to me. I took on my first client with a bit of trepidation, afraid I didn’t know enough to succeed despite the vast wealth of knowledge and information on comfort measures, anatomy, and so on I had acquired.

I think this might have to do with the reality that the world we live in doesn’t often prioritize the heart. I didn’t think that my emotional intelligence, my intuition and calmness, would be enough. How could it be, when our society is constantly praising information overload?

And then the day came when I walked into the room of a laboring mother for my first time. I had developed a bond with this couple, and I could see in their gazes immediately that they were tired and a bit overwhelmed. As I sat my bag down and turned to them, something in my mind shifted. The anxiety I had felt over being good enough was gone. They needed me, and so I would simply be what they needed.

The mother had originally been planning an unmedicated birth, but when I first arrived she was stressed by the strength of the Pitocin-induced contractions and was debating an epidural. I asked her if we could try just a few comfort measures first, and if she found herself truly suffering after, I would support her no matter what. She agreed.

And so together we found things that worked for her. 15 minutes turned to 60, one hour turned to four. We both fell into a rhythm that kept her zenned and focused through every contraction, me mesmerized by her strength and will. Our energy flowed back and forth in a way.

And I won’t pretend that my knowledge wasn’t useful to me, because it informed a lot of the choices that I made. But you know what really stuck out to me, more than anything else?

It didn’t disappoint her that 8 hours of hip squeezes turned my arms to mush (by the way, never arm wrestle with a seasoned doula, pick out the newbies). It didn’t ruin her experience that I kept accidentally bumping tables, a chair, and even my own foot at one point because I was so focused on her I didn’t notice obstacles. It didn’t matter to her that at one point I found myself grasping for the next step, until I had to leaf through my favorite labor book to find inspiration.

And it definitely didn’t matter to her that I knew what stage of labor she had entered, what the numbers on the monitor meant, or what the names of the hormones swimming through her bloodstream were.

What mattered to her the very most, I think, was a soft voice reminding her she was strong. A hand on her back to tell her she was never alone. Gentle strokes against her arms or shoulders to keep the tension in her muscles at bay. And, of course, plenty of praise that she was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen (and she really was).

A mentor at the Birthing From Within program suggests that doulas are protectors of people’s birth memories. If that’s true, then at the end of the day, all that really mattered was that I was there for her, after all.